why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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