Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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