Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
