look no pants
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
