You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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