I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we're so committed to being not committed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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