She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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