so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
