dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
