it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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