Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
