i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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