you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
