This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
