yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
