Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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