checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
