I think my vagina is haunted
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
