And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
