I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
