i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
