I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I touched a dick in church today
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