Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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