Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hippo gnu deer
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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