we're chasing vodka with high fives
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
