I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
