Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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