i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
