What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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