If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
