haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
