New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im just a social blackout drinker.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
