So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
