we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
