i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I just put wine in my tea
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
