Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
