I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
