Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
