apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
