It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
