If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
