he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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