my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
