This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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