GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
