Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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