I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
