Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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