it was like his penis was on wheels.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
