After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
