I just threw up on my dentist
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
