o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
