i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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